Time for an update!

Heyyyy!

Remember me?! Lol. I know, I know, it’s literally been months. I temporarily went red (see photo).

I also made a conscious decision not to post due to my relationship with Social media.

I love it and I hate it all at the same time.

Someone on my Facebook posted this the other day “Does anyone else struggle to maintain a presence on Social Media?” And I could so relate!

I love the funny memes and the funny videos, but what I can’t stand is the “influencers” that live in crop tops and leggings, promoting flat tummy tea and fashionova discount codes.

Imagine if I was consistent with this blog and say I became somewhat known in the blogging world, NEVER, allow me to become that girl. If you start seeing me do outfit credits and promoting juices etc, you have my permission to report my account and shut the whole thing down. Especially if you see “email my management team for enquiries.”

Like sometimes I really wonder, is there actually a management team? I swear it’s a one man band? Self employed, working for yourself but there’s a whole team behind your influencing? I don’t think so. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m sceptical.

Also, I love food too much, so if I’m promoting a juice or a tea, I promise you it will be a lie.

I don’t like the fakery that is portrayed from people I know and don’t know a like. I also dislike the idolisation of people. As a Mum to a pre-teen who will soon want to be on social media platforms (when she’s not secretly creating Snapchat accounts that she thinks I don’t know about, but I have added her as a friend, so can see everything lol).

It scares me how much influence these people really have on people, especially young, impressionable boys and girls....but that’s a rant for another day 🤷🏾‍♀️

I didn’t want to start off on a negative note, but you know when something is on your mind and you just need to get it off your chest?

By the way it is 5:06am as I write this. I’ve been up for a little bit (as bloody always), so I decided to write a little su’um su’um* (something something). I don’t know why I keep using certain phrases when I have to explain them. It defeats the object.

Side note: Tate was in his bed and saw that I was up. Climbed into my bed, then fell right back out. All I could see was his legs sticking up in the air 😂. He didn’t even wake up! Mental.

Anywho...before I get into it, I should probably fill you in on what’s been going on.

Firstly, I went back to work this year. Yay & nay. I mean properly, properly.

Initially, it was amazing. I had some independence back. At work I am able to go to the toilet without anyone following me! (Except the guy from the office opposite, who coincidentally seems to bump into me in the hallway, ON A DAILY BASIS).

I had a reason to dress up, instead of spending an hour dressing up unnecessarily on the odd occasion, just to pop in to Tesco’s for nappies,to make it feel like I had somewhere important to be. Also to remind myself, that sometimes, I can look half decent.

So being able to wear heels and lashes on a daily basis has been fun, but it also makes me appreciate how good it feels to sport the homeless look on the weekends. Headscarf, dirty house top, leggings, no make up and a dressing gown with half a pocket. (Don’t ask). So blissful.

Most importantly, at work I can relax. Now, I don’t mean that I don’t do anything. It can be pretty flat out at work. What I mean is, I get some me time. Probably sounds weird right?

At work, I get to eat my food on my own and can eat it in peace* without a little person asking for some, or climbing on my back, or my big child performing a full on dance routine, whilst telling me all the dramas in her life - simultaneously.

*I say in peace, but when you bring your own food in and you have that one colleague like “Oh, did you make that? It smells spicy! I have a Caribbean mate who makes a mean goat curry. I love Afro/Caribbean food ”

Meanwhile I’m just trying to eat my chicken and rice in peace.

At work, I can think. Or not think if I don’t want to.

At work I can keep my clothes clean for half the day, rather than just for ten minutes (until lunchtime, I’m SO messy).

At work, I don’t have to potty train or wipe bottoms.

At work, I can relax and build up my energy for dealing with the kids afterwards.

It really was a peacehaven for me initially.

Now, 6 months in, I’m ready to quit my job and join sugardaddy.com. Haha.

Loads of big changes since I last wrote.

Tate turned 2 and started nursery. Which he loves and hates. This situation literally could be a whole other blog, so I won’t get into it right now.

Another HUGE bit of news. I’m pregna...just kidding. I rebuke it. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Faith started high school! Wtf?!

I always thought I would be a whole mess on the day and want to die inside, but I really surprised myself. I really think that’s down to the fact that I have been freaking out about the day she started high school, since she was born. So I’ve had 11.5 years to come to terms with it.

I would love to tell you all that she’s loving it and that it’s all plain sailing, but it’s not been that at all.

On her first day, we got the bus to School together from home to see what the journey was like. Her Dad collected her.

I called her after school to find out how she found it, expecting her to be just as excited as she was on the journey to school that morning. Instead after asking how her first day went, she responded with “the School’s alright, but the girls are dryyyyyy*”😂🤦🏾‍♀️

*dry - plain/boring - as defined by urban dictionary.

At her new school there is a huge culture/diversity difference, in comparison to her old school.

She went from a culturally diverse Primary School, to a School where she is one of the minority. Faith gets on with anyone and everyone but I can imagine it’s a bit of a shock.

Faith has gone from knowing almost everyone in her old school, being quite popular,and getting on with the majority of her classmates, to being a new Year 7 and having to start again.

I’m hoping in time she will adjust and that the girls she thought were dry will liven up, lol.

It’s always hard entering a new environment and having to make friends, but that’s life.

I told her that at work, it’s the same thing. The people you go to work/school with might not be people you would socialise with outside of that time, but you just learn to get along with different types of people and that’s that.

She’s only 4 weeks in, so there’s still time. Obviously her happiness is key, so it’s a situation that I am monitoring and talking through with her daily.

I love the fact that she comes home and tells me all about her day in such a mature way. I honestly feel like we have become closer (we have always been close), since she started high school. She’s legit my best friend.

***

I feel like there’s so much I want to say, but it will turn into a novel.

Short version. In recent years Faith has really come in to herself. She’s proud of her heritage. She’s aware that she’s mixed race, but also knows that the world views her as black because she has dark skin (could easily be mistaken for being light skinned black) and she embraces that whole heartedly. She loves it. I’ve taught her this and she understands.

Whereas my son Tate, is a lot fairer skinned and people definitely recognise him as being mixed race or as being half white.

In recent months, Faith has been telling me how on her caucasian side of the family, they have been re-iterating to her that she’s half white, because Faith will identify and describe herself to people as Ugandan. She’s been coming back and telling me and it hasn’t sat right with me.

Whilst yes, we all know that Faith is mixed race and she knows and embraces that too. She is mixed, white and black African (as per those diversity monitoring questionnaires). She embraces her African heritage whole heartedly. There are mixed race kids I know that don’t even acknowledge their Afro/Caribbean background, so the fact Faith does is inspiring and is something I am proud of as is she. I certainly wasn’t trying to tell people I was African when I was a kid 😂. So I am so pleased she’s the way she is. (See my previous blog post; It's not cool to be African).

That’s why I’ve been rolling my eyes at the fact that they keep telling her that she needs to embrace her white side more. Although we live in a society where being African is ok, we as black people are still living in times of oppression. It’s on the news/social media everyday! So yes, Faith embraces both sides of her heritage, but I don’t feel she should be made to feel wrong for celebrating being black because it’s so lit. Ha!

She told me of a time when she was with a white family member and someone they had met someone who asked Faith what her background is, to which Faith responded “Ugandan” then the family member butted in with “you’re half white remember!”

Now I can understand why they felt the need to say that, but I also understand why Faith answered the way she did. Also, they need to understand that Faith is viewed as a black girl by the world and she will be treated as such.

I think because they are white, they will never fully understand what it is like to be a black girl trying to navigate this world and how it is in terms of how we are treated.

Luckily, there is a family member on that side of the family, who I’m able to explain these things to and get through to and will actually listen, even if she may go on the defence initially. I love that I can have these conversations with her. It takes a village to raise a child and being able to speak with her regularly, really helps.

So that leads me on to my last story. Faith’s Nan who is like a second Mum to her, tried to convince her to join some clubs at school. Faith did a trial for the netball team, but it didn’t work out for her. To be honest, I could have told her that because I was soooooooo SH*T at Netball in school. The only reason I ended up on the team was because not enough girls had joined to make a whole team. I cannot catch to save my life.

When she told me she didn’t get in, we both burst out laughing because we knew it was a lost cause.

Any who, her Nan really tried to persuade her to join all these different clubs from drama, to pursuing an instrument. Faith was in no way interested at all.

The other day she called me from her Dad’s and the conversation went like this;

Faith: Mum, I joined a club today

Me: Ayyyyy!! Well done, what club did you join??

Faith: The Afro/Caribbean club

Me: Yassss Faith, you better celebrate your heritage

*inaudible cheers exchanged between Faith and I*

Me: What made you join that club?

Faith: They were giving out free fried plantain* if you joined.

*Plantain - like a banana, but fried. Can be eaten as a sweet snack, or a side as part of a meal.

Well I never! At this point I laughed and felt so proud. She is DEFINITELY my daughter 😂. Joining a club for free food. If that isn’t motivational, then I don’t know what is 🤷🏾‍♀️

Until next time guys xxx