Growing up with Faith

So I figured my last few blogs have been pretty heavy and very focused on my past experiences and the struggles of dealing with situations I have been through.

This week I wanted to write about Faith (my 10 year old daughter). In a nutshell, she is me in every way - just a mini version with no filter. Faith is hands down the most annoying person I know. Haha!

After giving birth to Faith, she literally became a part of my childhood as wild as that sounds. By the time I had “officially” reached adulthood, I had a 3 year old. At 16, I was already doing ‘adult’ things. I had a 2 bedroom flat, I was paying bills, attending College and maintaining my social life, I was out clubbing with my older friends (shout out to my cousin for letting me use her ID for 2 years), all while being a Mum. I used to take Faith everywhere. Regular trips to kidspace (an indoor adventure playground), the farm, on picnics, funfairs, the beach! We did it all. Just the two of us and on public transport. Remember when Oyster cards first came out? If you were under 18 it would do that extra long jingle when you tapped in? I always used to get some wild looks and side eyes when I would jump on the bus with Faith.

You wouldn’t catch me doing all of those days out on public transport now I have two. Not because I’m a snob, but more so because it is already a good 2+ hours to get ready to leave to go anywhere. So most of the time I drive out of convenience. Shout out to all the Mum’s who do it. I salute you!

I always remember visiting my friends houses with Faith and their parents always looked at me so empathetically. They would always offer to watch her for me if I wanted to go upstairs and chill with my friends so I could have a break or offer their babysitting services.

I used to sometimes wonder what their parents were really thinking. Did they think ‘oh gosh, I don’t want my daughter hanging around with her as she has a child!’ Or ‘her mum must have done a terrible job with her!’ Now as much as my Mum and I didn’t get on, I wouldn’t stand for anyone blaming her for it. Often when I would see debates on TV or hear on radio about the rising number of teenage Mum’s and there was often that whole ‘blame the parent.’ Now I guess in some situations maybe parents are to blame. In mine, I wouldn’t say so. My Mum wasn’t perfect but I wouldn’t say it was because of her. She never encouraged my boyfriend to stay over or allowed me to stay at his (even though I would, but I would just lie about my whereabouts). I guess some could argue that ultimately it was my Mum’s fault, but I strongly disagree.

So Faith and I came as a package. Two peas in a pod. It was like having a little sister except I was responsible for her. We would play dress up, do little catwalks, argue like anything and have cuddles.

When she started pre-school aged 3, I started buying her additional books to help with her education and we have continued to do this all the way through to present.

Often people would say things like ‘well done, looks like you’re doing a brilliant job with her’ or ‘wow, your daughter is really smart! That’s amazing.’ Now as much as I’m sure their intentions were good, I couldn’t help but feel I was being patronised. Looking back, I understand now why people were in awe or shocked at how well spoken & well behaved Faith was. By the time she had started Primary School, I was 19. So many times, even up until this day people would assume I was her sister, only to be picking their jaws up from the floor when they found out I was her Mum. I loved this part. Especially when it came to the Nursery workers or teachers at School. I was always pre-judged being a Young Mum, but when they saw that my age didn’t stop my ability to love, nurture, care and teach my daughter, I feel maybe it might have changed their perspectives. This still happens.

I’ve always felt I had something to prove. Every time I felt things were getting on top of me or too much, instead of giving up (I felt like it many times) it pushed me to work harder and focus more.

Faith and I have literally grown up together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m young enough to keep up with the trends and still relate to some of the issues she goes through (as it wasn’t that long ago that I went through them myself) but then I’m also old enough get to guide her and teach her right from wrong. Anyone who has ever been around us can probably vouch to say that we are like sisters. We literally argue all the time and sometimes clash because we are so bloody similar.

Faith is a really clever, cheeky, outspoken but also shy little lady. She also suffers from a severe case of VERBAL DIARRHOEA. Non stop chatter.

At the moment Faith is going through a bit of pre-teen behaviour and you know what.

She. Is. Doing. My. Head. In.

If things are like this now, what is she going to be like as a teenager?! 😩#JesusFixIt PLEASE! I put it down to hormones.

Speaking of hormones, a few weeks ago (the day of her 11+ exam into our preferred School choice as Faith starts secondary School next year). She was super nervous and emotions were running high for the both of us. What should have been a calm morning, ended up in us running up and down panicking for absolutely no reason. Anyway, as we finally got into the car to head off, I smelt it. I said ‘Woah, that cannot be me. Can you smell that BO? Where on earth is that smell coming from??’ Faith looked just as disgusted and confused ‘I don’t know Mum, I think it’s outside!’ She said while fanning her face. So I wound up my window and started driving. 5 minutes later I could still smell it. I turned to Faith and asked her if she thought it could be coming from the air vents in the car. She was baffled and agreed that this could be a possibility. Eventually I pulled over and said ‘there’s something in this car.’ I leant over to her side and started sniffing, that was when I realised it was her!

Me: Faith!! It’s you, you smell!

Faith: *sniffs armpits* OMG, you’re right it’s me!!

Faith & I exchanged looks and simultaneously burst out laughing, tears literally coming out.

Faith: Guess it’s time I start using deodorant then 😂

This literally calmed all our nerves and off we continued on our journey to her exam!

I remember when my Mum first noticed my BO. I was oblivious to it, so when this happened it brought back memories.

Anyway, back to Faiths challenging behaviour, I feel like it is karma coming back to slap me right in the face for all the naughty things I did to my Mum!!

So I ask Faith to do something and she will do one of the following:

1. Pretend she didn’t hear me 2. Moan about how hard her life is and that she just needs a break 🤔🤷🏾‍♀️ 3. Do the biggest sigh, it creates a mini tornado in our living room 4. Create a diversion so it takes her super long to get to doing it 5. Say ‘Yes, Mummy’ oh -so-pleasantly and do it straight away.

Now obviously, number 5 is the outcome I hope for every time, however more often than not it’s 1-4.

Rolling her eyes, sighing and answering back are her favourite things to do. Not to mention the non-stop chatter, especially at the most inappropriate times.

The other day I was in the bathroom as I managed to escape the kids for 5 minutes. Faith walked in, pulled a face and said at the top of her lungs ‘errr, it stinks in here!’ Really Faith?? Then when I stated the obvious that I was doing a number 2. She cheekily responded with ‘Well the smell is making me feel sick!’ WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?!

Girl, bye. Now is not the time for your running commentary on my bowel movements.

Anyway, Faith has a chore that she is responsible for. Loading and unloading the dishwasher after dinner, but she seems to think she is so hard done by. Sometimes I ask her to tidy up the living room a little bit because I don’t fancy doing it for the millionth time after Tate has decided he wants to empty out the ball pit for the 12th time that day.

Growing up as a child in an African household, you basically had to have hopes and dreams of working in the following fields; Doctor, Lawyer or Business. You were also pretty much responsible for maintaining ALL of the household chores from birth. I’m pretty sure most African parents decide to have children for the sole purpose that they will become their personal house maids and then look after them once qualified their field of choice for work.

I’m pretty sure I was washing dishes as soon as I could stand. It feels like that anyway. My Mum used to do this thing whenever she would pop out before we woke up on the weekends or during the School holidays, where she would leave a note for my sister and I with a list of chores. Mum purposefully left it on the dining table, knowing full well we would see it and it would read something like this.

‘Good Morning Gals, I hope you slept well. I have popped out but please do the following;

Flavia: Wash the dishes. clean the kitchen including inside the fridge and outside, clean the microwave and the oven, sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Also, please take the meat out of the freezer once you wake up.

Sophie: MAKE SURE YOU DO THE FOLLOWING CHORES BEFORE YOU PLAY OUTSIDE. Clean the bathroom, including the toilet and all the tiles. Sweep and mop the floor. Hoover the house. Tidy your room and change your bedsheets. Dry the dishes after you sister washes them and put them away.

When you have finished doing all the above, you can start on your English and Maths books. Both of you do 10 pages from each. Only then can you play out.

Love you gals, call me if you have any problems xxx

P.s: SOPHIE, DO NOT USE THE HOUSE PHONE.’

Ok, first of all- what is the rate of pay?

Our pay was the roof over our head and food on the table. Or as our Mum liked to affectionately say ‘I gave you life!’ Do you see how my Mother didn’t rate me? I think it’s clear to see I was the rebellious child who pushed boundaries. Although, I have found myself on more than 1 or 2 occasions using the same exact phrase with Faith. It’s a valid point.

This note situation was a regular occurrence. If ever we didn’t see a note on the table, we knew something was up. Only to find it had been left next to the microwave. 😂

It wasn’t until I got to High School and started to see how the majority of my caucasian friends were living life that I started to question my entire existence.

I would go to their houses and their parents would be cleaning up after their children. They could put a cup in the sink and not get moaned at for leaving it there?! I remember one friend in particular who even had the cheek to shout at her Mum for not tidying her room for her. I wanted to run. I couldn’t believe it. If I ever even tried, I wouldn’t have survived to tell the tale. Now, this is not to say that EVERY white child had it easy, but from my experience of my friends at the time, most of them had it a lot easier than I did. I was basically a personal maid and my friends had their parents doing everything for them! I couldn’t believe it. Whenever my Mum would then ask me to do chores, I always wished one of my friends parents would adopt me so I didn’t have to do them anymore! 😂

So when Faith complains about having to do SOOOO many chores, I literally laugh and die inside at the same times. She has it so bloody easy but doesn’t see it that way.

Initially when Faith started being a bit cheeky, I put it down to the fact that she was under pressure from going to tutor a few times a week and studying super hard for her entrance exams into High School. However, now that’s over she’s still being quite challenging.

So, for now I guess I just have to let her know this isn’t one of those ‘yeah, mum is my friend moments,’ this is serious. I feel it’s so important to nip this behaviour in the bud now as I see she’s already starting to try and push boundaries. Faith isn’t a naughty girl at all. She’s a good girl, but she definitely is starting to test how far I will go. It’s all a part of growing up. When she’s not testing my patience, she is the sweetest, most loving, caring, considerate, funny little human. I have to pinch myself sometimes as I can’t believe I made her!

It’s so amazing though to see all the different phases she has gone through growing up, because I literally can relate to all of it! This is one of my favourite things about being a young Mum.

When I think back to my relationship with my Mum, she had a totally different childhood when she was growing up and had to grow up a lot quicker than I did. My mum grew up in a different generation, had an extremely disturbing and difficult childhood and she also grew up in Africa. So I guess with certain situations she couldn’t relate. I feel so fortunate that I have the relationship I do with Faith and that we are as close as sisters. What’s crazy and extremely scary is that Faith is just 5 years away from being the age I was when I had her. However, I definitely feel her Dad and I have drummed it into her that we were crazy young and she is very aware. She even told me off once for having a child so young. All I could do was accept it and laugh to myself.

Saying that, she loves that we are just 15 years apart. I recall her coming home a year ago and telling me that all her friends were talking about how old their parents were. Faith stepped in and came out with ‘well my Mum is 25’ *drops mic* then she told me how they all went crazy. A couple of the girls piped up and said ‘woah, you’re Mum is half my Mums age!’ To which Faith cheekily replied ‘One of my Nan’s is the same age as your Mum and my other Nan is younger!’ The cheek! 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

To be honest, I would rather that than her be embarrassed to tell people. Although, she shouldn’t be boastful of it 👀🤷🏾‍♀️.

I hope Faith grows up to be a wonderful young lady who knows that there is no limit to what she can do. Faith and Tate are my biggest achievements in life so far and nothing else I do will ever give me the same satisfaction as knowing that I created two little beings that are all mine 💕💙.